I'm better off dead.
Pls come for my funeral soon cos i'm gonna have a mental breakdown and i'm making sure i don't take my medicine at all. It's better that way. Why live for such people? I can't stand having to live life with all these dramas and lies. It all adds up to depression after all. Why some people just so heartless? You think i would really wanna call her bitch? You think i would like to call you a bastard? You are wrong. I want to be a good friend of yours, but would you give me a chance to explain why i did those? Guess not.. There's no turning back now. I really regret knowing your existence, falling for you and keeping in contact with you cos after all you are just like other jerks. Looks like there are no single men in this world anymore that are nice, caring & loving. All those who are of good character are all taken. It's called, "being left on the shelf". I don't know why i did those things. I need a break. I'm reaching my limits already. I'm not being myself lately. My symptoms for my depression and anxiety attacks are coming back. All those hyperventilation and sharp pains in my head and heart are coming back. I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I can't seem to focus on my studies either & I wanna get into poly but WTF am i doing? I've been having sleepless nights and migrane so often that i had to take my sleeping pills. WHY. FUCKED UP LIFE KAY. I HATE BEING ME. HATE BEING LISABETH. I WANT TO JUST SUFFOCATE & DIE. & I WILL HAUNT YOU TILL I'M SATISFIED. I MEAN IT. I KEEP BLAMING MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING. WHY IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME. I DON'T WANT THIS LIFE ANYMORE :(((((( UGHHHHH. I HAD ENOUGH. 17 YEARS OF MY LIFE, LIVING IN SORROW WITH BUSY PARENTS WHO HARDLY HAVE TIME FOR ME, FRIENDS WHO ARE ALWAYS NOT THERE, PROBLEMS WITH WEIGHT & HEALTH. GAWD. LISABETH'S LIFE AINT GOOD. There are more imperfections than perfections or maybe no perfections at all. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. All i see is dark empty spaces which reminds me of my bad past, my pain. It hurts me so much. I don't know why. Of all people. ME. To go through these challenges when God already knows how weak i am emotionally. This test is far too challenging. I might not be able to pass through this.I really can't. No matter how positive and optimistic i am, i will eventually fail cos there are too many big obstacles in front of me & I already can't take it anymore..
I blame myself for breaking down in front of my friends. It made me look like i'm such a cry baby but i just couldn't help it. That's just reality. Life isn't a bed of roses, even if it is, roses has thorns. Its thorns will prick you & you'll hurt & bleed.
Anyway i really think that whatever i do, is wrong. Nothing is ever once so perfect. This time i had enough. My parents are giving me hard time too. Granduncle's in hospital now. My stitches were just taken out today, i should be happy, but i'm not.. I'm unable to take out the other side now, so i'll wait till after my O level exams..
& I'm such a loser. My cousin managed to go in through DPA into TP but i can't. My marks are not that good :( i'm like the black sheep in the family. Everyone tends to be smart in some ways. Why am i so dumb huh.
Lately, i have bad allergies to a medication that my whole face has bad rashes. I'm turning ugly. Everything seems to going wrong now. Why can't something good just come in? I hate me for being me. I think that living a human life is not for me. I would rather live life as a non-living matter or an animal. At least they have some freedom, i don't.. I want to break-free from all these. It's too much of pain to bear. Why did God choose me to go through so many pain in one go... WHY.
&I'm officially suffering from an anxiety disorder; Claustrophobia.

IHATEMYLIFESOBADLY.
FUCKYOU.

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