Dear Lisabeth,
Please be strong, i know you can do this, independently. All i need to do is close my eyes, pray and keep calm. Leaving everything to nature. I don't wanna have a mental breakdown and get into a depression, because it's very attention-seeking. Please control my emotions, although it's not an easy thing to do. Don't get too worked up. Regretting is a little too late now. Now, i'll just have to move on. But that doesn't mean i'm happy, it's just that i need to be. In order to study, i need to be happy, but it's so fucking hard. All i'm thinking now is, "why the fuck did i realise its too late to study now?! And what the fuck have i been doing for the years in my life?! Why??!" It's not easy as you can see, not easy for a person who has such low esteem as me. And my heart hurts, a sharp pain again. It's like too much stress lately, but i have to bear with it. UGH i know i can. I don't wanna collapse again, or see the world at a darker angle again, it's too much to go through now. O levels yeah, O levels now. Can't think about that. But it's so so nut fucking hard. I'm sorry i have to use such words, but it's getting on my nerve, that i can't sleep every night, thinking about how much time i've wasted. DAMN. I'm so envious of all those jerks and bitches who are out there in Poly or JC now. I just wanna go to that stage, why is it like so slow and hard nowww to move on with my life huh. MY goodness. I need you, God. I want my friends too, where are they? I need motivation, i need accompany, i need a life. I just can't get it now. WHY. I'm socially depressed, unmovitated at all. It is totally crapness and shitness. This isn't Lisabeth's life. Not at all. & i wanna wish that it could all end sooner. I swear. I'm on the verge of calling quits with myself.. I'm feeling all this now and it's only the beginning.. :((

Idk who i am anymore.

« Older posts | Back to top? | Newer posts »